Did the writers at “The Onion” consult Professor Murray?

…The combination of qualities that enabled Nicklaus to win 18 majors and has enabled Woods to win 14 is freakish. To take just one example, Woods has an astonishing record of sinking difficult putts at critical moments, including on the final hole with victory at stake. That’s not just a matter of reading the greens accurately and having a good putting stroke. It’s a product of a mental state that the rest of us can barely imagine, the product of a Chinese puzzle of psychological strengths—including, one sometimes suspects, telekinesis.

The role of those psychological strengths is why so much of the commentary about Woods’s play since he returned is beside the point. The commentators focus on whether his component skills are returning to their pre-scandal levels. He can return to precisely the same place on the bell curves of the component skills that he occupied before the meltdown in his personal life, but the package will not be the same. Tiger Woods has experienced a sort of concussion to that Chinese puzzle of psychological strengths, and there must be some residual damage that won’t ever go away…

– Charles Murray, “Why Tiger Won’t Catch Jack”

In a study published Monday, several representatives from the Institute of Sports Psychology advanced the theory that Tiger Woods’ recent string of poor performances may be directly tied to all the crazy sh*t he’s gone through over the past two years. “It’s always difficult to analyze somebody from a distance, but when assessing Tiger’s struggles on the golf course, it’s hard to attribute it to anything besides the months-long sh*tstorm we watched him go through,” said ISP director Robert Andrews, adding that his organization is conducting additional research to further map causal relations between diminished athletic achievement and f**ked-up personal sh*t going on. “Failing to qualify for tournaments, finishing 15 strokes off the lead in 40th place—all that can be traced to reduced confidence and concentration from all the bullsh*t going on in your life.”

The Onion

Dear Professor Murray,

Have you been moonlighting as an Onion writer? Could the liberal writers in Madison actually check out the AEI website from time to time? Inquiring minds want to know!

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